


The Hardest Battles Are The Ones Most Worth Fighting

by TheAvengersMascot



Series: All That Matters [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Canon Divergence, Community: norsekink, Family Drama, Father-Son Relationship, Gen, He's not perfect but he's trying, Individual chapters will have warnings as needed, Odin's Good Parenting, Pre-Thor (2011), Sibling Rivalry, unintentional neglect
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-01
Updated: 2014-12-27
Packaged: 2018-02-27 15:14:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2697560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAvengersMascot/pseuds/TheAvengersMascot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was such a small thing really, what Loki had done. But even small things can reveal so much. For Odin, it might mean he doesn't know his son as well as he thought.</p><p>In fact, he might not know him at all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. My son, the stranger

**Author's Note:**

> Based off this [norsekink prompt.](http://norsekink.livejournal.com/13205.html?thread=32748181#t32748181)
> 
>   _All characters, except for a few minor OC's, belong to Marvel_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Raising children is an uncertain thing;  
> success is reached only after a lifetime of battle and worry."
> 
> -Democritus
> 
>    
>  _Author's Note:_ At the start of this story, Loki is about the Asgardian equivalent of 13 or 14 years old.

The best thing that about trade talks was when they finished. Odin had that same thought each time he undertook them. They were a necessary evil and a tedious one at that. Over time, he had perfected various tactics to speed things along and was often praised as a master negotiator when in truth, his fleetness sprang from the boredom he endured as a youth forced to suffer through seemingly endless summits on import tariffs and the like. Though a more patient, and he would like to think wiser man now, he held no love at all for the proceedings. It didn't help matters that often the representatives sent to negotiate were often new to their positions and eager to prove themselves to their home realm by standing firm against any demands Asgard tried to make, even when those demands were insignificant and merited no such debate.

Áleifr, the representative from Alfheim was no less new to his post than his predecessor had been when Odin first met with him. However Áleifr did not share the same desire to debate for the sake of debating and in fact seemed just as eager to conclude matters as Odin was. The elf worked well with Odin's advisors to draw up an agreement that was suitable to both realms and presented it to him in short order. By the end of the third day, all parties were happy and eagerly anticipating the festivities to celebrate the successful negotiations. As they concluded the final meeting, Odin approached him while the others made their way out.

"You are a credit to your people, Áleifr. It is not often that these talks are conducted with such efficiency."

The elf nodded with a slight grin. "That is high praise from one such as yourself, All-Father. I've observed much in the way of empty posturing in these sort of interrealm dealings. It seems to serve little purpose, especially in a case such as this where your majesty's disdain for such things is not exactly secret."

"A reputation I trust you shall attest to your fellow emissaries?" Odin asked. His reputation hadn't yet dissuaded any other diplomats from being difficult but he could always hope it might.

"I believe I will," he replied, a mischievous glint in his eye not unlike Loki often had. Áleifr glanced in the direction of the great hall. "I've been meaning to ask you, All-Father, if it would be appropriate for my children to attend the celebration tonight?"

Odin raised an eyebrow. "I have no objection. However, I should think that as their father, that decision falls to you."

"I only wish to avoid giving offence. I am not familiar with your customs in this regard."

"My sons would hardly speak to me if I did not allow them to attend. They begged for it almost from the hour they learned to speak. If I deny them not, I would be most inhospitable to deny your children the same"

Áleifr inclined his head in a slight bow. "You have my thanks, All-Father. I'm sure my children would not let my wife and I forget it if they were forced to remain in their chambers tonight."

Memories of Thor and Loki behaving much the same when they were of the age of the elf's children played through Odin's mind as they walked out into the corridor. He couldn't help but recall the "curse" his mother put on him so many years ago, the promise that he would one day have a child who behaved exactly as he had as a boy. There were times he was certain he could hear her laughter all the way from Valhalla now that he had not one but two such sons.

"Speaking of," Áleifr said, interrupting Odin's thoughts. "I must express my gratitude for your son's attention. He's been a wonderful host to my family while I was otherwise engaged here."

Odin could not help but feel a swell of pride in his son. "Yes, Thor has always enjoyed making new friends."

"Oh, forgive me, All-Father. I meant your younger son, Loki."

Footsteps faltering, he repeated, "Loki?"

"Yes," Áleifr affirmed, seeming not to notice the hitch in Odin's steps. "My children have never been to Asgard before and he has gone out of his way showing them around. I fear they will miss him terribly once we return to Alfheim. And if I may say so, Loki seemed quite taken with them as well."

The more the elf explained, the less his words made sense to Odin. Loki did his duty as prince in greeting the ambassador and his family on their arrival but beyond that, Odin hadn't seen him show any further interest. Even stranger was Loki seeking out company of such young children. As far as Odin knew, his son preferred more mature company.

"You're certain it was Loki?" he felt compelled to ask.

"I am," Áleifr replied, confusion bleeding into his tone.

"Did my wife ask him to attend your family?"

"I don't believe so," he replied, slow and a bit uncertain. Áleifr likely couldn't understand the reason for Odin's questions. "Even if she had, he seemed glad to be there. Loki spent hours occupying the children, taking them to the markets and to other sights Asgard has to offer. I believe he even made them several gifts, though if it was with his hands or seiðr I don't know. My wife greatly appreciated his efforts. It gave her the chance to spend time with the queen."

"Loki?" Odin asked a second time, still struggling with disbelief.

"Indeed."

There was nothing further Odin could think to say on the matter and so they continued on in silence. It was just so strange, Loki taking it upon himself to entertain Áleifr's family. In recent times, his son had become quiet to the point of being withdrawn. Where had this gregarious host come from then?

Odin was still dwelling on Loki's odd behaviour when he arrived in the great hall a short time later. The feast began with a brief proclamation on his part and soon, the food arrived. There were the usual platters piled high with boar and venison as well as a few with delicacies from Alfheim. Other platters of vegetables cooked in every sort of style complimented the meats. And of course, barrels of mead lined one entire wall, ensuring all would have a joyous evening. The only thing setting this evening apart from many that had come before was where Odin decided to focus his attention. Apart from the times he was handling his official duties for the event, his eyes constantly sought out Loki.

His youngest son kept his seat at the high table only long enough to finish his meal before setting off into the crowd, where he disappeared for a time before Odin caught sight of him in one of the quieter corners of the room. Loki was seated atop one of the mead barrels with one of Áleifr's children, the youngest, in his lap and the other two seated on another barrel beside them. All three children watched Loki with rapt attention as he told them a story of some sort, replete with illusions dancing in his hands to liven up the tale. As the glow of seiðr lit up his face, Odin saw Loki was having almost as much fun as his young charges. Even from that distance it was clear to him that this was no chore for Loki. Nothing about his manner appeared grudging or reluctant, something which was thrown into sharp relief moments later when the rest of the feast-goers erupted in raucous laughter while Thor regaled them with a tale of one of his own adventures. Loki's joy vanished, his eyes flashing with irritation at his brother. Just as Loki turned his eyes back to the children though, Odin thought he saw something else. Longing.

Thor finished his tale and though he had only half-listened to it, Odin noticed something was missing. He waited until one of the skalds came forward to begin the formal entertainment, then waved Thor back to the high table. His son came and Odin leaned in close so others wouldn't overhear.

"That was an interesting story, my son, but why did you leave your brother out of the tale?"

Thor, who was rather distracted by the festivities, remained looking out over the floor and not at Odin when he answered. "He wasn't with us."

"Thor, look at me please." His son at last turned. "What do you mean Loki wasn't with you? You always journey together."

"No, not for a while now."

"Why?"

Thor shrugged. "He's not interested."

Odin's eyes narrowed. He knew when either of his sons were not being fully honest with him. "Thor, tell me truly. Did he say that, or did you decide he wouldn't want to come and so didn't ask?"

The way Thor squirmed and shuffled his feet was as much of an answer as the words he next spoke. "I didn't think he'd want to come with us. He's far more interested going off to find spell books than having a real adventure."

"You should still offer him the invitation anyway," Odin chided.

"But..." Thor protested with more uncomfortable shifting. "All he does is complain when he comes. He acts as though we're all simpletons and he knows everything. The whole time it feels as if he'd rather be back here with his face in some dusty old tome."

Odin sighed. Some friction between brothers was normal but he couldn't help but think back to when the two boys were inseparable and wonder if perhaps there was something more to their conflict than the typical sibling rivalry. "All right. Go rejoin your friends, Thor. We shall speak more on this later."

Thor's shoulders slumped a little at the suggestion that the discussion wasn't over. All was forgotten a moment later however when a maiden about his age with long dark hair dragged him up to dance. Odin looked back to where Loki had been but saw the mead barrels had been vacated. Further glancing around the room, he spied Loki turning the three very sleepy looking youngsters back over to their mother. To his surprise, Loki did not hand the youngest one, who Odin saw was in fact asleep, to her, but joined Áleifr's wife in herding the children out of the hall and presumably to bed. He thought perhaps his son was merely escorting them but a short time later, she returned without Loki.

After an hour or so passed, Odin excused himself from the table and ventured out into the hall. He hadn't gone far when he passed one of the many balconies of the palace. From the corner of his eye, he caught sight of someone familiar sitting on the parapet, back turned toward where he stood.

"Loki?"

Loki turned at hearing his name, giving Odin a glimpse of the book in his lap. He swung his legs back over the edge and stood up in order to give him a proper bow, holding the book in behind him as he did. "All-Father."

Odin waited for an explanation but Loki seemed to be waiting for him to say something first. "What are you doing out here? The evening is still young, there is much enjoyment to be had."

"I will return," Loki told him. "I was only getting some air."

A perfectly reasonable excuse but for the fact that it was a lie, and not even a very good one. If Loki was simply taking a break from the celebration, he would not have needed the book, nor would he have felt the need to hide it away as he was doing. In fact, if his expression was any indication, Loki looked as if he fully expected Odin would not believe it and was waiting to be chastised. For what precisely, Odin wasn't sure. What he did know, was he didn't like the feeling he got seeing Loki look at him that way, so sure he would be receiving punishment of some kind. It so discomfited him that he could not think of a thing to say to his son in response.

Uncomfortable in the silence, Loki ducked his head and swallowed. He said, "I'll return presently," and started walking toward the hall.

"Wait," Odin called after him. Loki stopped and turned, hands clenched tight on his book and shoulders completely rigid. "I heard you kept the ambassador's children occupied during the talks."

"I... did my duty as prince, All-Father."

The stiff reply was baffling. Odin had seen Loki with the children himself and he seemed anything but duty-bound with them. Why hide his feelings now?

Having the feeling that Loki would likely not be more forthcoming if pressed, Odin set his questions aside. "Be that as it may, Áleifr's made a point of saying how much he appreciated it and I wanted to tell you the same. I'm glad to see you show such initiative."

Loki tilted his head in a slight bow, the motion wary and a bit uncertain, as though he wasn't sure if it was the right response.

"Well, I didn't mean to intrude on your solitude out here. Good-night, my son."

"Good-night, my king," Loki replied.

Odin went back to the great hall without waiting to see where his son would go. If Loki was out of sorts about something perhaps it would be best to let him alone for a time.

The rest of the evening passed without incident, which left Odin with ample opportunity to wonder about his son. As much as he wanted to put Loki's odd behaviour down to something as simple as an ill temper, it was still weighing on his mind by the time he and Frigga retired to their chamber.

"Have you noticed anything odd about Loki as of late?" he asked his wife.

"In what way?" she asked in turn from where she was seated before a large mirror, busy unravelling the complicated plait in her hair.

"I'm not sure. I spoke to him a bit this evening and he was... odd. And did you know he spent the last three days with the ambassador's children, showing them around Asgard?"

Frigga smiled, but it was one of bemusement. "No, I didn't. That must be where he was all day. And the day before."

Odin nodded. "I am told they are distraught over losing their new companion, now that they will be returning home."

"Hmm," she murmured, at last finishing with her hair. "I'm glad he made some friends, leaving though they are."

"That's just it though," he told her. "When I spoke to him about it, he played it off as though he did it out of obligation. But Frigga, I saw him entertaining the children tonight and he seemed as enthralled with their company as they were with his. Have you ever seen him with any other children such as they?"

She thought for a moment. "No, I haven't. In fact, I haven't seen him spend time with anyone outside of Thor and a handful of their friends for some time and even that is becoming rarer."

"Thor mentioned something similar, that Loki is less inclined to join him on his adventures. I haven't thought on it much before tonight but I believe his manner has been growing distant for some time. He certainly was that way with me this evening."

Frigga sighed and stood up from her seat, a slight crinkle between her eyebrows from her concerned expression. "That I have noticed. He keeps ever more to himself, even in our lessons." 

"What lessons?"

Her concern was replaced by a look tinged with disapproval. "You know what lessons. I've spoken to you of them."

Odin was forced to endure his wife's disappointed gaze for longer than he would have liked while he searched his memory. All things being fair though, the fire in that gaze was exactly why he was having trouble coming up with an answer.

"Ymir's head, is that the mind that's running this kingdom? Perhaps you should yield to a successor now," she said with a distinctly scolding tone that was usually reserved for her children, which made it all the more embarrassing when she used it on him. "Odin, your son will be one of the strongest seiðmenn Asgard has ever seen. I thought he was yet too young to begin training in the art but then I found he was teaching himself and had made a significant progress on his own before anyone learned what he was doing. I've never seen someone with the kind of natural talent he has."

"And now you are teaching him yourself," he said, relieved at last to remember. Now that she reminded him, he did recall her explaining it some time ago. It was just that in taking care of the everyday dealings of the Nine Realms, he simply forgot.

Frigga crossed her arms and did not let up her intense gaze. "Is this why you've never spoken to him on the subject? You didn't remember?"

"No, I didn't. Why, did he say something?"

"Just once. He asked why you took no interest in his training when you are so invested in Thor's activities. With his next breath he claimed it mattered not to him, but I suspect otherwise."

"I am sorry, my love. It slipped my mind and there is no excuse for it."

On hearing that, she smiled at him, lifting the weight that always settled on his shoulders when she was cross. "I accept your apology. Although, I wonder if it would benefit another more than me."

Odin nodded. "You're right, as always. Tell me of his progress."

~~~|~~~

The following morning, Odin made up his mind to seek out Loki. He'd spent a good part of the night prior hearing about his son's skill with seiðr from Frigga and realized he hadn't been paying any attention something that was very important to Loki. For the second time in one day he was forced to consider that he didn't know his son as well as he'd thought and that was something that needed correcting.

He found Loki that morning in the library. That was not of itself surprising, but that Loki was there at such an early hour was. His son had folded himself into a window seat with his legs crossed beneath him and his head bowed over the tome in his lap. Another sat open on top of a cushion beside him. Every so often, he would look back and forth between them, cross-referencing what he read. He was so absorbed in his study, that Odin was able to watch him for some time without being noticed.

"I've found the table more suited to that kind of study," he said at last.

Loki's head sharply snapped upright. He shut the tome in his lap with a loud _thwack_ at the same time. "All-Father! Forgive me, I didn't see you there."

He set the large volume aside and was about to get to his feet when Odin held up a hand to stop him. "Please, don't. I didn't come to interrupt you. I merely wished to ask how your study is going."

Loki hesitated, still partway to standing. Surprise coloured his features before fading into a closed off, wary expression. "Fine," was all he said.

The air between them was nearly vibrating with tension and on his life, Odin didn't know why. Loki had ever been difficult to draw into conversation but this was something else entirely and it made him do something he hadn't done in a long time. Retreat. "Good. That is... good. I'll leave you to it then."

His son's head made a motion that was something between a bow and a nod and Odin returned it before making for the exit. He was in the middle of wondering how things had become so strained between them without his notice when a thought struck him like a bolt of lightning.

Loki called him _All-Father_. He used a formal title instead of a familiar one, and it wasn't the first time. He'd done the same thing when they talked last night outside the banquet hall. Odin had paid it no mind then because during official ceremonies, proper etiquette for the boys was to call their parents by their respective titles. Both conversations had been private however, not part of court affairs. As much as he wished he could, Odin couldn't dismiss it as a slip on Loki's part because it hadn't just been in the library or on the balcony. Now that he was thinking about it, he couldn't actually remember the last time his son called him _Father_.

Throughout the whole day, that thought hung over his head like a dark cloud threatening to open and shower him with even more evidence of his mistakes as a father. He'd let his son pull so far away that they no longer knew how to speak to each other in a simple conversation and if it hadn't been for the elven diplomat's off-handed comments, Odin might have gone on believing everything was fine between them.

By mid-afternoon, he came to the conclusion that dwelling on what was past served no purpose. He couldn't stop Loki from pulling away in the first place, but he could reach out and bring him back. Given how stilted their interaction was that morning, it was going to be a battle.

As a start, Odin decided on something simple. He sent a request to Loki for his son to join him for dinner in his private chamber behind the throne room instead of the royal family's dining room. Thor and Frigga were not invited because Odin knew if Thor was there, Loki would keep more to himself and let his more extroverted brother occupy the attention. If Frigga was there, Loki would be more inclined to behave as if Odin wasn't and focus on her. If he was to rebuild his relationship with his son, it would have to be on their own, as difficult as that might be.

Odin requested the kitchen staff prepare any favourite dishes of Loki and they were just set upon the table when an attendant informed him that his son was waiting outside. He called him in and couldn't help the feeling of dismay over seeing how tense Loki was. His son held his back straight and rigid, and his hands clasped behind him as if he was awaiting inspection by the arms masters instead of about to partake of a simple meal with his father.

"Loki, I... thank you for coming," Odin said, just managing not to wince at the awkwardness of own greeting. Loki's tension seemed to be spreading to him. Their evening had only just begun and it was already not going well. "Please sit down."

If Loki was at all surprised by the menu he gave no sign of it. Either he had tremendous skill at dissembling or he didn't care for his father's attempts to please and Odin wasn't sure which possibility was less appealing. They ate in between stilted attempts at conversation. It was no easy task engaging Loki when all his son would give were the barest hints of answers. After exhausting all general topics of conversation with no success, Odin grew desperate enough to bring up Thor in spite of the difficulties he knew his sons were having with each other.

"Thor told me you have ceased accompanying him on his sojourns."

At last he got a reaction, albeit not one Odin was expecting. Loki made a rather undignified sound, something like the snorts that came from Sleipnir when the horse was displeased. He looked up from his plate, casting a mortified glance at Odin.

"I... I..." he stammered, cheeks turning pink to highlight his shame over his unseemly response.

"Actually, that's not quite right," Odin said, deciding to rescue Loki from his apparent embarrassment by pretending it hadn't happened. "When I pressed him on the matter, he admitted to not inviting you to join him."

Loki stared at him in silence for so long, Odin started to worry he was having a fit of some kind. "... Oh... did he?"

"He did. I made it clear to him how I felt about him purposefully excluding you. If you don't wish to join him, it should be your choice, not his."

The open-mouthed stare Loki gave him was almost comical and Odin might have laughed but for the fact that the source of Loki's shock was the idea his father was taking his part in a disagreement and not Thor's.

"He also mentioned you are often searching for various books. Are you not able to find what you need in Asgard's library?"

"...Not always," Loki answered, avoiding his eyes.

"Is it something specific that you seek?" Loki didn't answer. "Something to do with your mother's lessons, perhaps?"

"...Yes."

The word came out with such reluctance it almost sounded against his will and Odin couldn't understand why. According to Frigga, Loki had great enthusiasm for learning seiðr. Yet when Odin broached the subject, Loki behaved as though it was the last thing he wanted to discuss. He trusted his wife was not wrong about Loki's feelings on the matter however, and persisted.

"Where are the books you need?"

On hearing the question, Loki's shoulders slouched. "Vanaheim. They possess the greatest collection of grimoires in all the realms. They allow anyone to come and study them but it's forbidden to remove them from the library. I seldom have enough time to give them proper consideration."

"I see," Odin replied.

It was the most his son had spoken through the entire evening and Odin chose not to question Loki further on the subject, not willing to surrender such a hard won victory by pushing too hard too fast. Later on though, he couldn't get Loki's disappointment when he spoke of not being able to do proper study out of his mind.

~~~|~~~

Loki swiped one hand over his brow as he walked back to his chamber. Combat training was an essential part of life in Asgard and while he didn't mind it per se, he was not at all fond of the feeling of sweat and dirt coating his skin after a morning spent on the dusty training grounds. He had a little more than an hour before meeting his mother for their lessons, plenty of time for a bath.

Arriving at his chamber, he stopped short. The door was open. He never left the door open. If one of the servants-

"Yes, just there is fine," came a voice from within.

A sick feeling roiled in his stomach. Odin was in there, without Loki's knowledge or permission. The All-Father had been odd since their painfully uncomfortable dinner some weeks before. He kept asking questions about his activities and studies and Loki found the attention to be grating. If his father didn't approve of the way he used his time, why couldn't he just ignore him the way he'd always done instead of this meddling?

At that exact moment two servants, porters to be precise, emerged. Loki glared and they quickly excused themselves.

"Loki? Is that you out there?"

Loki sighed and braced himself for another awkward conversation. He passed through the open door. "Yes, All-Fath..."

Any coherent thoughts were swept away by what he saw. Piled high in two stacks on his desk were grimoires. _Vanir_ grimoires.

"I visited the head keeper in Vanaheim's library," Odin told him, the words just about unheard in his shock. "She told me which books you had sought out on your visits and pointed out several other related volumes. I then spoke to Freyr about you and he agreed to loan the books to Asgard for you to study for as long as you have need of them on the condition that they are returned in the same pristine state. You will see to that, won't you?"

Unable to tear his eyes from the tomes or find his voice, Loki meekly nodded. 

"Excellent," Odin said, coming close enough to clap one hand on Loki's shoulder. "I look forward to seeing your progress."

Odin walked past him and was nearly out the door before Loki remembered his manners.

"Father!" he called after him. Odin stopped. "I... this... thank you."

"You are most welcome, my son," he replied with a warm smile.

Loki watched him go, still dumbfounded by the gift. When he looked back at his desk, his hand reached out to the grimoires and his body followed it without any conscious thought on his part. Just as he was about to touch one of them, he remembered the reason he was in his rooms to begin with was to bathe. His hands were filthy. He couldn't risk soiling such treasures with them. Loki spun around and sprinted to his bath.

He never washed so quickly in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think. Comments really keep me going. :)


	2. Not the smoothest road

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I was totally blown away by the response I got for just the first chapter. I just want to thank everyone who commented, or left kudos, or who just read it. You have no idea how much I appreciate it.

“No man should bring children into the world who is unwilling to persevere to the end in their nature and education.”

― Plato

  


It was true to say that after Odin procured the Vanir grimoires for Loki that their relationship changed. It was also true to say that Odin wasn't sure if it was a change for the better or not. In the months which followed, he and Loki were speaking more but aside from that, their progress stalled. His son seemed unsure of the reason for the increased attention, and was by turns irritated by and suspicious of it. The more Odin tried to show a sincere interest, the more Loki chafed in the face of it.

"I don't know what else to try," Odin lamented to his wife one evening. "He seems to resent my very presence most of the time."

Frigga placed her hand over his in a consoling gesture. "Give him time. He's not like Thor, not in the least. Thor basks in the attention of others where Loki shies away from it. He keeps so much to himself that I find it hard not to worry, especially when he regards any unexpected attention with such mistrust. I fear that if he becomes entrenched in that mindset, he will see betrayal everywhere, reading the worst of intentions into every word and action done to him, no matter how well-meant."

"He certainly doesn't make things easy, does he?" Odin sighed.

"He's too clever to do anything the easy way," she agreed. "Too clever by half. Please be patient with him, Odin. I know he desires your approval even if his manner seems to say otherwise. He is changing. You may not see it but I do. He's more at ease in your presence than he has been for a long time. If you don't give up on him, he'll realize your interest comes from a loving place. Perhaps then he'll begin to seek you out."

"Perhaps," he agreed, though he didn't quite share her hopeful outlook on things.

Some weeks later however, her words were indeed borne out, though it might be fairer to say that Loki wasn't so much searching for him as he just happened to pass by at the right time. The way his son was stalking through the halls of the palace made Odin question whether perhaps his youngest had received the wrong moniker, for there seemed to be a dark storm cloud over his head and his eyes flashed as if with lightning.

Odin stopped him. "What is it, my son? You look as if all the fires of Muspelheim are burning inside you."

"Thor and his idiots three are off to go hunting on Alfheim," Loki snapped.

"And he did not ask you to join them?" Odin asked, disappointed that Thor hadn't taken the admonition to include Loki to heart.

Loki scoffed. "Oh no, he asked. He simply made it clear by his manner of asking that my presence was neither required nor welcome."

"I see." Odin took a moment to observe his fuming son. Loki was angry, that much was plain, and Odin could almost believe that was all there was to it. There was something wounded about the way Loki was lashing out, though. He was angry because he was hurt. "Loki, walk with me."

Together they walked in silence until they reached the private gardens outside his and Frigga's chamber. They were surrounded on all sides by thick, lush greenery that ensured no one outside could see or hear anything happening within. It was his hope that the quiet and peaceful environs would help set Loki at ease and encourage him to speak his mind.

"Loki, the same night your brother admitted he stopped inviting you to join him on these excursions, he mentioned something else," Odin began. "He said you do nothing but complain when you go along."

His son slumped down onto a bench beneath one of the largest trees and crossed his arms with a huff. "He would say that."

Odin sat down beside him. "My son, I may be old but don't think I am deaf to the way you speak to him sometimes. More often than not your manner verges on insulting."

"Because he never listens to me!" Loki burst out. "He insists everything must be done his way even if I know a better one."

"And when you tell him of your better way, do you do it in such a way that also implies he is a fool?"

That Loki made no answer was rather telling.

"Oh, Loki," Odin sighed. "You are smarter than this. When you antagonize him, you lessen the chance of him listening to what you have to say. You will only succeed in making him angry."

"At least then I know he hears me," Loki muttered. "If he's angry it means something got through that thick head."

"And you make it less likely he'll listen to you the next time," Odin replied. "How long has it been this way between the two of you?"

"Ages," Loki answered glumly.

His tone just then belied a hint of the hurt Odin suspected was at the root of his outburst. Frigga said Loki desired his approval but perhaps it was not his approval alone that Loki craved. Perhaps it was his brother's as well. Odin could well remember conflicts with his own brothers as a youth and he knew they handled things no better than Thor and Loki were. He also knew the regret that came with never resolving those conflicts and had no wish for his sons to know it too.

"Loki, I know how difficult it is when you feel as though your brother doesn't respect you but treating him with disrespect in return is not the answer. All it will do is widen the rift between you and believe me when I say if the two of you let that happen, you will live to regret it. I will speak to Thor about the way he treats you but you must improve your treatment of his as well. Don't give him reason to dismiss you by insulting him first. Don't let these petty conflicts grow until they can't be overcome. Please try, Loki."

Loki scrunched up his nose. "But he's so... so... arrogant. It'll never work."

The objection wasn't sincere and Odin knew it. "Try, Loki. For your sake and Thor's."

His son sighed as though he was being greatly put upon by the request. "I will."

"Thank you," Odin said, wrapping one arm around Loki's slender shoulders. "I promise you won't regret it. Now, since you are not off gallivanting with Thor, would you like something else with which to occupy yourself?"

Loki turned sideways to look at him with a wary expression. "Such as?"

"I was on my way to a council meeting when I met you. I thought you might like to accompany me."

He blinked in surprise. Whatever Loki had been imagining, it was clearly not the offer he received. "Why?"

"This may come as a shock to you, but I do read every report your tutors submit. They say you demonstrate a grasp of political matters that is far beyond your years. I'd like to see for myself."

He waited while Loki turned over the offer in his mind. Council meetings were hardly an exciting part of ruling and Odin knew Loki was aware of that. However, the reports from his tutors also mentioned something that Odin had already been aware of, that his son was possessed of an insatiable curiosity. Present him with something unknown and Loki would forgo everything, even sleeping and eating, until he understood how and why it worked. There was every chance the council meetings would bore him out of his skull, but the opportunity to learn what truly happened behind those closed doors was a tempting lure, one that Loki couldn't resist.

He did come to the meeting, and to the one after that, and the one after that. Odin's youngest soon became a fixture at the proceedings, so long as they did not conflict with his other studies and training. In no time at all, he confirmed what his tutors said about his level of understanding. Loki quickly picked up on the implications of any course of action discussed. His keen mind caught on to the subtle power plays between the councillors. He saw the way each of them worked to achieve their own ends. For Odin, seeing his advisers through Loki's eyes was as if seeing them for the first time. Loki was unburdened by the history of years of dealings with them. He had no knowledge of past achievements or failures on the part of those men and women and so at times could see matters with a clarity that Odin was simply no longer capable of. Drawing Loki's thoughts on the subject out from his head was still an arduous process but when Odin succeeded in doing so, he found Loki's acute perspective to be a valuable asset. And if allowing Loki into the meetings afforded Odin another chance to spend time with his too-solitary son without seeming overbearing, well, he wasn't above taking advantage of it.

~~~|~~~

As king of Asgard, Odin didn't have the luxury of spending much one-on-one time with his children and as such, he didn't know how much more time might have passed before he noticed it had Loki not pointed it out. Thor had indeed grown arrogant. His eldest had many positive traits he had every right to feel pride in, but it was the amount of pride he had that worried Odin and frustrated Loki. Odin was still trying to work out how best to handle Thor's burgeoning ego when things came to a head on the training grounds.

From time to time, he would watch his sons and their peers as they trained, though he would often stay out of sight so as not to be a distraction. Both his sons were capable fighters but between the two of them, Loki had the better form. His youngest was of a slighter build than most boys his age but he more than made up for it with speed and agility. He was proficient with a number of weapons but not an expert with any of them and Odin thought it might because none of the typical choices suited Loki's movement. He made a mental note to consider what might be a better fit for Loki so he could fully realize his potential.

Just as he finished the thought, Thor put his sparring partner to the ground. His son received a round of applause from the other students, which he acknowledged by raising his hands and calling for a cheer, which he was given. Despite the resounding ovation from those watching however, Odin knew Thor had done nothing special. He had a bad habit of abandoning technique in favour of using sheer strength to win his victories. It was more than a little disappointing to Odin when not a single one of the arms masters took him to task for it.

Stepping out into view, Odin called out, "Well done, Thor. I wonder if you could best your brother."

All eyes turned on him but Loki's were widest of all and full of disbelief.

"Of course I can, Father," Thor replied, confident. Overly confident when he added, "I've done so many times."

"Show me," Odin directed, taking up a seat at the edge of the ring.

"Father, there is no need for this," Loki protested. "He'll win. He always wins."

"Have a little faith, son."

"But-"

"Loki, I don't do this to embarrass you," Odin told him, speaking soft enough that others wouldn't overhear. "Please trust me."

His son said nothing else but his opinion was clear to read in his slouched shoulders and in the way he dragged his feet as he made his way into the ring. Giving his practice sword a half-hearted swing, he took his position, as did Thor. Soon after the bout began, Odin again saw Thor resort to brute force to overpower Loki and before long, Loki's prediction came true. He was face down in the dirt with Thor's weapon, a large wooden axe, at his neck.

"See, Father,?" Thor proclaimed in a gloating tone. "It was hardly even a challenge."

"I saw. Thor, help your brother up," Odin bid him. Thor did as he was told, then stood with his arms crossed over his puffed out chest, no doubt awaiting the praise that he'd come to expect. Odin ignored him. "Loki, why did you not use your seiðr?"

Loki opened his mouth to speak but was cut off by Thor giving a loud guffaw.

"That's not real fighting."

Quick though it was, Odin saw Loki's eyes flare, burning with anger at Thor's derision. A moment later, his expression turned resigned, as if it was something he expected to hear.

"I was not speaking to you, Thor. Loki?"

All attention was now fixed on Loki who clenched his hands into fists at his sides. Odin could read the betrayal in his eyes and knew he was fighting to stay composed in the face of the humiliation of not only losing in front of his father, but having to explain why in front of so many spectators.

"I can't use it here," Loki ground out. "It's not allowed."

"Not allowed by whom?"

Loki shifted his weight back and forth on his feet and kept opening and closing his fists but said nothing. Odin knew how much he hated being the focus of such attention and chose to spare him from answering. He had every intention of finding out who made such a rule, one that would only apply to Loki, but that could wait for a later time.

"It matters not," he said. "I want the two of you to fight again, but this time Loki, use it."

"That's not fair," Thor objected, looking and sounding put out that no one had yet lavished him with praise for his latest victory.

"How is it not fair? Your gift is your strength, which you bring to bear on every opponent. Why should Loki not use his gift the same way?"

"Because it's not real fighting," Thor said again, his voice dangerously close to whining.

"I think I shall be the judge of what is or is not real fighting," Odin declared with enough authority to silence him. "Now, when you are ready."

Thor took up his starting position again but this time he was the reluctant looking one. Loki stood still a little while longer, just staring at Odin as if he wasn't sure what was happening. Odin was surprised by his hesitance. According to Frigga, Loki had boundless enthusiasm for the art of seiðr and yet given the chance to use it with the king's blessing, he held back.

"Go on, Loki," Odin tried to encourage him.

Loki took one last look around at the other students and masters watching them before moving into his starting position as well. With one more uncertain glance in Odin's direction, he took a deep breath and nodded to show he was ready.

Thor lunged, swinging his axe in the exact same attack he used in the previous bout. Loki blocked the blow with an ease that suggested he expected it, which was probably true since Thor's style, if it could be called that, was nothing if not predictable. Taking advantage of Thor's momentum, Loki stepped to the side and spun around, placing himself behind his brother. It was only a moment before Thor recovered and readied himself to strike again but this time when he attacked, Loki disappeared. Thor's steps faltered and he came to a stop just in time for Loki to reappear, whereupon he found himself facing not one, but four copies of Loki. His eyes flitted back and forth between them trying to discern his real brother but the copies were too identical. His hesitation gave Loki enough time to surround him. Choosing the nearest one, Thor attacked but the double just danced out of his way. He tried again with the next closest one to the same effect. Touching the illusions would dispel them and that seemed to be what he was trying to do but Loki kept them all just out of reach.

Watching Loki, Odin couldn't help but be impressed at his son's skill. He knew Loki could produce illusions such as these but to create and sustain three of them at once while making each one move independently was quite an achievement. As the fight progressed, Loki's confidence in using his copies grew and he switched from defence, to offence. One 'Loki' would feint toward Thor and his brother would react either to block or defend. While he was doing that, the real Loki would strike from the side or behind. By the time Thor figured out where the blow came from, the illusions had all changed places and he couldn't distinguish Loki anymore.

With each successful strike, Odin saw a little bit of Loki's wall fall away. The look of concentration he typically wore while sparring slowly gave way to one of delight. Every time one of his copies would dodge another blow from Thor, a smile would turn up the corners of his mouth, and it was nothing like Thor's cocky grin. Loki's smile was one of sheer joy over the pleasure putting his skill to the test and succeeding.

Loki ran rings around his brother long enough that Odin began to wonder if he was merely toying with Thor when his older son made a desperate play. He swung his axe wide, catching by chance two of the illusions and making them disappear. A second wild swing caught the third, leaving the real Loki standing to his right. Thor's face broke into a smile, obviously thinking the victory was his but the expression faded when he saw Loki smiling at him the same way. As Thor attacked, Loki made no move to defend himself with his sword. Instead he raised his free hand and from it came a blinding flash of light. Thor staggered back, blinking tears away from his assaulted eyes. Only then did Loki raise his sword. With Thor unable to see, Loki only needed a few strikes to knock him off balance. When Thor took an awkward step, his brother pressed forward, making Thor trip over his own feet and landing him flat on his back. A moment later, Loki's sword was at his throat.

A stunned silence greeted his victory and Odin thought perhaps Loki hadn't exaggerated when he said Thor always won. Everyone watching certainly seemed shocked at the sight of Thor on the ground. Odin broke the silence by applauding. "Excellent, Loki."

Loki backed away from his downed brother and looked to Odin with an expression caught somewhere between shocked and proud. "Th-thank you, Father."

"He cheated!" Thor shouted, scrambling to his feet.

At hearing that, Loki's mouth dropped open. He stared at Thor in hurt disbelief, as if he'd been struck with a physical blow. Odin's dismay over Thor's reaction worsened when he heard a rumble of agreement sound from the crowd that watched.

"Take caution in your tone, Thor," Odin warned him. "A false accusation is not something I will take lightly."

"He cheated," Thor insisted. "He used his tricks to distract me."

"Loki used his talents the same as you do. Is it cheating when you use your superior strength to overpower your opponents?"

Thor crossed his arms. "That's different."

"How?" Odin asked. "You possess a gift others do not, therefore you are at an advantage before you even begin. Where is the fairness in that?"

"But-"

"Do you imagine that will always be the case?" he pressed on. "The sparring ring is nothing like the battlefield, Thor. Do you truly believe the odds will always be so in your favour as they are here? That your enemies will attack one at a time and won't use underhanded tactics to win? That the field of battle will not itself have distractions through which you must focus in order to survive? What Loki did was not cheating, as you accused him. If anything, he has given you a glimpse of what true battle is like."

Thor levelled a glare at his brother, who returned it with equal intensity.

"Thor," Odin said, making his son look to him again. "Your brother only did as _I_ asked him. If you wish to be angry with someone, be sure it's the right person."

Without saying another word, Thor stalked off the grounds, leaving an uncertain silence behind him. Loki was left standing in the center of the ring alone, grasping his sword with loose fingers as if he was no longer sure what to do with it. Odin stood up and walked over to join him.

"He'll hate me now," Loki said, looking off the side where Thor had departed.

"No he won't. Thor's temper burns hot but dies out quickly. Besides, he needed a dose of humility. In time, he'll appreciate what happened here."

The doubt was plain to read on Loki's face and Odin knew there was little chance he'd convince him otherwise in his current state of mind. Only time would prove what he said to be true so instead of belabouring the point, Odin chose to focus on the positive.

"That was quite the display of seiðr. I've never seen one so young as you maintain and control such detailed illusions. It was very impressive."

Loki's expression at hearing that was one Odin couldn't quite decipher. Again it was as though his face was caught between two emotions pulling him in opposite directions. He studied Odin's face for a long moment before lowering his gaze again.

"Father... do you really think that or did Mother tell you to..."

With Loki's unfinished question left hanging between them, Odin wasn't sure what to say. "Did she tell me to what? Loki, what are you asking me?"

"Did she tell you to say that?"

"Of course not," Odin replied. "I don't need her to push me to recognize your skill, not when I can see it plainly for myself. Why would you think that?"

Still not making eye contact, he said, "You never did before."

For a few moments, Odin still wasn't sure what his son was getting at. Then the understanding hit him with a jolt. Frigga warned him months ago. What was it she said about Loki's mistrustful nature? That a mind like his would easily read the worst of intentions into everything. Odin knew his wife had been teaching Loki for some time before she reminded him of it, so the question was, just how had Loki interpreted Odin's silence on the matter back then? What would be the worst explanation?

"Loki, did you think because I never spoke to you on the subject that I was not in favour of your taking up the art?"

His son's shoulders twitched in what may have been an aborted shrug.

"My silence was not disapproval," Odin said, placing an arm across Loki's shoulders. "It was merely the faulty memory of a too-busy king. I was distracted when your mother told me she would train you and thus it slipped my mind."

Loki looked up. "You forgot?"

"Yes, I did. And once I remembered, I yet hesitated to bring up the subject with you because you seemed loath to discuss it with me unless I had a pile of Vanir spell books in my hands. I thought perhaps I was intruding on something that was just between you and your mother, so I held back. Otherwise I would have told you long before today how amazed I am at your skill. You have a talent Asgard has not seen for a generation. I've seen seiðmenn more than twice your age possess only half your skill. You are extraordinary, my boy."

"Oh," was all Loki said, though his cheeks took on a rosy hue after receiving such high praise.

Odin used the arm still on Loki's shoulders to guide him out of the sparring ring. "You also have excellent form when you fight. I can see you've paid close attention to the masters. I wonder though, if your style would be better suited to a weapon other than the sword."

Loki looked at the practice sword still in his hand. He set it in the rack with a bit more force than was strictly necessary. "The sword isn't too difficult."

His affronted tone made it clear he thought Odin was implying the opposite and Odin could not help but sigh. He overcame one obstacle only for Loki to throw another in his path, assuming his comment was a criticism.

"I wasn't suggesting it was. You are very proficient with it, but I think something else would let you progress even more. The way you move with such speed, a bulky weapon like a sword or axe actually hinders you. Just think, if you had something smaller or lighter, you could dance around your opponents like the wind."

Loki merely hummed an acknowledgement but Odin saw his wheels were turning. On the surface, taking up a smaller weapon might seem like a step backward but Loki was nothing if not insightful. He'd see the advantage of being able to move with more freedom, especially when it would give him an edge against anyone who fought like Thor, which most of Asgard's people did. In fact, by the time they reached the palace doors, a mischievous smile was already forming on his lips.

~~~|~~~

In the days that followed, Odin worried he'd been too heavy handed in dealing out Thor's lesson in humility. His eldest avoided him and Loki both. One day however, he happened upon Thor sitting with another young trainee. Sif, she was called, the same girl his son danced with at the feast some time ago. Odin didn't mean to eavesdrop but he did pass close enough to catch her saying something that sounded like, 'Stop being an ass. Talk to him'.

Not long after, Odin discovered the 'him' in question was Loki. His sons were sparring again while Sif looked on. The training grounds were empty but for the three of them. Or rather, the four of them. Thor was squaring off against two Lokis at once. Odin watched as Thor attacked what turned out to be the illusion and the real Loki hooked his foot around Thor's ankle and brought him down. He waited to hear more talk of cheating but no such accusation came from Thor. His son allowed Loki to pull him to his feet and watched while he demonstrated the sloppy footwork that allowed him to be toppled. Miraculously, Thor listened. Actually _listened_. His face had a pinched look about it while Loki talked and several times he appeared to be biting his tongue, but he never interrupted his brother. They set up to have another go, with Thor trying the same attack and Loki trying to put him down the same way. Thor still stumbled but thanks to Loki's instruction about where to put his feet, he remained standing. They went a third time and Thor not only remained upright but kept his balance well enough to make a counterattack. Loki clapped him on the shoulder in congratulations, a wide grin on his face and a matching one on Thor's.

Odin left wearing a smile of his own. This wasn't the end to the trouble between his sons, he knew that of course. One good day didn't erase all the conflict that had come before. They had each taken steps toward each other however, and that meant there was hope that one day they would move beyond those childish disagreements. Until that day arrived, he and Frigga would have to keep encouraging them in the right direction, reminding them of what was truly important. For now, Odin let himself smile, because it was good to remember that the smallest of victories also deserve to be celebrated. Even by the All-Father.

~~~|~~~

Loki entered his chamber exhausted from after a long day with tedious tutors. By themselves his lessons weren't so bad but every since Thor discovered that fighting against Loki's seiðr made him a better fighter, his brother dragged him to the sparring grounds every spare moment they had. It was annoying at first but lately, things were changing. The more Thor trained against him, the more Loki got to hone his seiðr in a combat setting. They were both improving in their own way, and none too soon.

Ever since the day the two of them sparred in front of their father, the arms masters had become a lot stricter, demanding they all use the proper fighting techniques they had been instructed to. The same techniques Loki was reminding Thor to use, the same ones he was once wont to disregard. And strangely enough, one of the older masters, the one who told Loki not to use his seiðr when sparring, was no longer teaching them. The official word was he had chosen to retire from teaching young brats. Going by the rumours however, his retirement was not entirely voluntary. There were even whispers that the All-Father had something to do with it. Whatever the reason, Loki was glad the old codger was gone. There was just no pleasing the man, not even when he did everything right, which made it all the more frustrating when Thor never received a single reprimand for his sloppy form.

Most surprising though, more than Thor apologizing for his outburst after their fight or him asking Loki for help to train, was that Thor seemed to be developing something like respect for seiðr. At first there was no shortage of biting remarks on both sides, which wasn't at all a surprise. However, when Loki tried putting into practise his father's advice to speak less harshly to his brother, Thor responded in kind. It was only after they began speaking civilly to each other again that Loki got sense that Thor's contempt for seiðr was borne from having no idea such power could be used for anything more than parlour tricks. The more they trained together and he saw what Loki could do with it in Thor's preferred arena, the more Loki caught him looking impressed. Maybe, just maybe, Thor was not the dunderhead he always seemed. He had a brain, he was just lazy to use it without the proper motivation. After all, he picked up what Loki taught him quite fast once he decided he _wanted_ to learn. And as far as determination went, Thor's drive equalled Loki's, it was only that most of the time the two of them were pushing in two different directions. Opposing directions, Loki once thought, but perhaps not so different after all. They easily slipped into a routine of training together and it was more fun than Loki had had with his brother in longer than he could remember. He was actually enjoying spending the extra time with Thor. Not that he would ever tell the oaf that.

The one downside to it all was that the extra training meant that between his regular activities and Thor's impromptu sparring sessions, Loki felt as though he had no time to simply breathe. It was with that very thought that Loki shuffled to his bed and let himself collapse onto it without even taking off his boots. He was just beginning to doze off when he remembered there was some reading he was supposed to do for his next lesson with his mother. So, tired though he was, he dragged himself off the bed and shuffled toward his desk while rubbing his eyes. Without opening them, he reached out toward the grimoire he'd left there but his hand was stopped short against something solid.

Sitting there was a wide, flat box that was half the width of his desk, a folded note sealed with wax resting atop the lid. Loki picked it up and recognized his father's elegant script spelling out his name. Breaking the seal, he opened it up.

_Your patience with Thor has not gone unnoticed. Since he is sharpening his skill with you as his whetstone, I felt you deserved something with which to sharpen your own._

_\- Your father._

Loki read the note twice before putting it down. He had never noticed their father watching while he and Thor practised but from the contents of the note, he must have seen. Why had he not said anything if he had?

Too tired to dwell on the thought of Odin watching them in secret, Loki set the note aside and examined the box. It was black with ornate designs engraved along the borders. Had he not been so sleepy, Loki might have recognized the markings as being of dwarven origin. Then again if he had, it might have spoiled the surprise of what was inside.

Lifting the lid, Loki gasped. Resting on red felt inside the box were twelve of the finest throwing daggers he had ever seen. The blades were only a bit longer than the length of his hand but they looked sharp enough to pierce even dwarf-crafted armour. The hilts were made of something shiny and black. Taking a closer look, Loki's eyes widened in shock. It was volcanic rock from Muspelheim. Muspel obsidian was dangerous to obtain which made it extremely expensive to purchase even in small quantities. The cost for the amount needed to fashion these daggers would put a sizable dent in anyone's treasury, even that belonging to the king of Asgard. Further adding to the prohibitive cost was the fragile nature of the stone itself. Obsidian was a brittle rock, breaking at the slightest touch if not sculpted with proper care. What made the stone so coveted for weapons however, was that it could be made nearly unbreakable through a secret process known only to a select few dwarves whose services did not come cheap.

Loki couldn't help tallying up what the daggers must have cost and his mind was sent reeling by the sum. All that coin spent on a single gift for him. He almost couldn't fathom it. The daggers were so beautiful he hesitated to touch them, feeling rather like they should be put under glass and admired from afar. His father's note made it clear they should be used however, so use them he would.

Choosing one of them, Loki took it in his right hand. The hilt fit as though it was molded from his own fist and the entire dagger was light as a feather. He gave it a few experimental twirls in his palm, getting a sense for the balance. The weapon did exactly what he wanted it to each time, almost as if it was bespelled to obey his will. Though his right hand was his dominant one, he tossed it over to his left and found it just as easy to work with there. With daggers as finely crafted as these, he could learn to wield them with both hands in no time at all. Then he could dance around his opponents just like Father said!

 _Perhaps that reading can wait,_ he thought.

Exhaustion all but forgotten, Loki raced out his door to find something to use for target practice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are always welcome! I love hearing from you guys.


	3. Breaking Point

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **TRIGGER WARNING IN THE END NOTES**
> 
>  
> 
> Okay, I swear when I started writing this story I meant for it to be all nice and fluffy, with just a little bit of angst thrown in because apparently I can't help myself. Thing is, I felt like Odin and Loki hadn't quite had the breakthrough they needed and in trying to give it to them, well, this chapter happened. 
> 
> Before you read on, please bear in mind that the way Loki reacts to certain things is not necessarily an indication of how his family has been treating him. It's primarily his own insecurity cranked up to eleven for reasons that will become clear as you read. (I'm sure we all remember how big our teenage angst felt to us at the time. That's where Loki is at.)

  


It is not flesh and blood, but the heart which makes us fathers and sons.

\- Johann Schiller

  


As he made his way from the throne room to his private study, Odin made a real effort to not show his apprehension. He knew what he was about to do was necessary and would be for Loki's benefit in the long run and yet, drawing closer the door he couldn't help but feel like a man headed to his own execution.

  


_"He's withdrawing into himself again," Frigga said, voice full of worry. "Surely you've noticed it as well."_

_"I have," Odin agreed. "But I don't believe it's cause for concern just yet. Some turbulence is to be expected at Loki's age. Adolescence is not an easy time for anyone, no less for a prince."_

_"It's more than that," Frigga insisted. "He feels isolated."_

_Her words puzzled Odin. "He spends more time with Thor and the others than he has in years. When is he isolated?"_

_Frigga sighed. "I don't mean in that way. He's different, my dear. And we both know why."_

_"He's always been different."_

_"Yes, Loki has always been different, and to an extent he was aware of it as well," she told him. "He noticed the differences in his looks, his talent for seiðr, his studious nature. But, it's more than just noticing those things now. Now he's of an age where he's aware they mean something. He thinks there's something wrong with him."_

_"He's told you this?" Odin asked, a bit shocked at Loki's opinion of himself._

_Frigga smiled but the expression turned sad after a moment. "He doesn't have to. I see it when he pretends to be entertained by the old warriors sharing their bloody tales of the war with Jötunheim. I see it in the way he throws himself into his combat training even though he doesn't share Thor's love of it. I see it when he feigns interest in pastimes he couldn't care less about because he thinks as an Asgardian, he should be interested." She paused then, and when she continued there was an edge of steel in her voice. "I see his hurt when people deride him for not conforming to their idea of what an Asgardian is."_

_"What people?" Odin demanded, feeling a swell of rage at the thought of anyone demeaning his son. Frigga gave him a look which suggested he'd rather missed the point._

_"It doesn't matter what people. What matters is though their words are only whispers, he hears them. Loki is so perceptive, Odin. He sees, and hears, and understands, no matter how people hide or disguise their thoughts. He marks every tiny thing that sets him apart from Thor and the rest of the Aesir. And he marks how others react to those differences. For now he is enduring it, but I fear if it goes on long enough, he'll break._

_"He's a strong boy," Odin said, though he knew it was weak protest._

_The sad smile returned to his wife's face. "Even the strongest mountain may be worn down by simple wind and rain if given enough time."_

_  
_

Odin hesitated just outside the door. The audience with the Vanir delegation ran longer than he expected it to, past the time he asked his son to meet him. Loki was likely already waiting inside. Once Odin went in, there would be no turning back. He reminded himself that this was something Loki needed to hear but it was difficult to believe after spending so long hoping his son would never have to find out.

  


_"What would you have me do?" Odin asked. "I cannot control the thoughts of the entire realm."_

_Frigga looked him square in the eye without wavering. "Tell him the truth. Tell him where he came from."_

_Odin stared at her, incredulous. "You wish to break him before anyone else has the chance? You just finished telling me how much he feels the differences between himself and the rest of Asgard. How will telling him the truth of who he is make things better? If he knows who and what he is, then he'll know those differences are not merely in the minds of others, but in himself, in his very blood, and there's no way to ever change that."_

_"I never said it would be easy for him to hear," she said, grasping his hand as though the tightness of her grip would emphasize her point. "But darling, he thinks there is something wrong with him in that he is so unlike his peers. He hides it well, but I've seen the cracks. He tries too hard to be what he thinks he is supposed to be. As difficult as it may be at the start, the truth will free him in the end. He won't feel as if he needs to strive to be something he isn't."_

_"What makes you so certain knowing he is Jötun will ease that burden?" Odin countered. "I would think knowing he is not Aesir will confirm his belief that there is something wrong with him and make him feel as though he has to work even harder to prove himself a son of Asgard."_

_"Then it is up to us to show him he doesn't have to," she told him firmly. "You, and I, and Thor must show him that he is as much a part of this family as any one of us. Odin, if he is ever to believe in his own worth, we need to prove to him that we believe in it as well. If we don't confront his worries now, they will continue growing until they consume him. He can't live a life based on lies. It will destroy him."_

  


As with so many things, Frigga was right. When it came to Loki, she had a better understanding of his thoughts than Odin believed he ever would. That was part of the reason he decided to handle revealing the truth to Loki alone. Their son would be upset that the truth was kept from him for so long. He might even find it an impossible thing to forgive. If Odin took responsibility alone, made it clear that the truth was withheld from him over his mother's objections, Loki's relationship with Frigga would not be damaged beyond repair. It grieved Odin to no end to think one decision made long ago with the best of intentions might prove to be the undoing of all that he'd tried to rebuild with his son. The penalty for that mistake might prove to be a steep one, but it was one he would willingly pay if Loki would be happier in the end, even if it meant he would never be close with his son again.

After offering a silent plea to the Norns that things would turn out all right, Odin opened the door. As expected, Loki was inside. He stood with his back toward the door, examining the books on one particular shelf. His relaxed stance was a sharp contrast to Odin's memory of how Loki stood in the center of this very room on the night of their painfully awkward dinner one year ago. Back then, Loki appeared to be awaiting some kind of punishment. Now, he looked over his shoulder to acknowledge Odin and quickly returned his attention to the books, no hint of tension anywhere about him. The law books he was investigating were not very exciting material but Loki's curiosity never knew any bounds.

"You may borrow them if you wish, however I'm fairly certain they will do little more than put you to sleep."

Loki turned and Odin saw the ghost of a smile on his face before he put on a more neutral expression. Why Loki felt the need to hide his feelings, even positive ones, Odin would never know.

"Perhaps another day," he said.

Odin gestured toward a pair of chairs near the hearth and they sat down together. "Thank you for coming, my son. I have something important to discuss with you."

Loki smirked for half a second. "Seldom does anything good follow those words."

"That's true, I suppose," Odin acknowledged, noticing Loki's expression fall as he did. He took a breath, hoping with all his heart that Frigga was right about what Loki needed to hear. "Son, do you remember when you were a boy and I showed you and your brother the Casket of Ancient Winters?"

"Yes."

"Do you remember what I told you of bringing the Casket here at the end of the war?"

Loki's eyebrows drew together slightly and his eyes narrowed just enough to be noticed. This time his affirmative answer came slower, as if he was thinking of his response while trying to figure out where his father was going with it all.

"I didn't tell the two of you the entire story," Odin went on. "I kept something from you, something your mother wanted you to know a long time ago but I thought it was better if you didn't. Now I... I believe I may have been wrong. You should have been told."

Because he was searching for any signs at all of what Loki was thinking, Odin saw his breathing stop for a moment. In the blink of an eye, his relaxed posture disappeared. He sat up straight, his back rigid, and held his hands clasped tight together in his lap. When Loki next took a breath, his whole body was taut as a bowstring.

"By the time the battle was over, I was so weary," Odin continued, eye fixed on Loki. "I was desperate for a few moments of peace after so much bloodshed and thought I might find some in the Jötnar temple. I went inside seeking solitude but quickly discovered I was not alone. There was a baby, small for a giant's offspring, abandoned there upon the altar. I know not for how long he was suffering alone, but not even my battle-scarred visage frightened him when I took him into my arms. I could not bear to leave a child to such a cruel fate as to die alone in the cold and dark, not even the child of an enemy. I took him from that desolate place and brought him to Asgard."

Throughout the tale, Loki had not moved a muscle save for around his eyes, which became wider and rounder the longer Odin spoke. He knew it wouldn't be long before his son put the pieces together on his own, so he forged ahead.

"Loki, my son, you were that boy."

Loki's eyes which had been fixed on Odin now darted to and fro as he struggled to take in such a huge revelation. Absently, he got to his feet, rubbing the thumb of his right hand into the palm of his left. He took a few steps away from Odin before he even seemed to notice he was standing. When he did, he stilled.

"Why did you take me?" he asked, voice hollow.

"You were an innocent child. I-"

"No!" Loki interrupted, whirling around to face him again. "You do nothing without purpose. What was it?"

Odin sighed softly. "What do want to hear, my son? That for a time I entertained the notion of raising you to be Jotunheim's future king? That this was all part of some grand secret scheme to bring the frost giants under my heel?"

"All-Father, don't play games. Not in this. Not with me," Loki replied with a brittle tone.

Odin winced at the sting of hearing his son revert to using a title for him again after so long. "Loki, you must understand. I was a king and warrior long before I became a father. Of course I considered the idea, as any ruler would, but not until much later and almost the same time I had those thoughts, deep down I knew they would never come to fruition because from the first moment I held you, you filled a place in my heart that the war had hollowed out. I could no more send you away than I could withstand carving out half of my heart. You were but an infant but you awakened my compassion again, and for that alone I would love you until the end of time."

"But..." The word came out of Loki almost as a whimper. "But if you love me, why did you lie?"

The question, and the wounded voice which asked it, were excruciating to hear. "I thought to protect you from the truth-"

"Why, because I-I-I am the monster that parents tell their children about at night?" Loki asked, his voice changing from hurt, to demanding.

A cold sliver of fear stabbed through Odin's chest. The conversation was getting away from him, just as he'd feared. He thought he had made peace with the idea of sacrificing his relationship with Loki if it meant his son would be happy, but now all he could think about was fighting to hold on to it.

Odin pushed himself off his chair and moved toward his son. Loki backed away but not before Odin caught his son's face between his hands. "You are no monster, my son. You are my child and-"

"No. I'm not," Loki cut him off.

Before he could say anything in reply, Odin found himself grasping thin air. Loki was gone, teleported away. As impressive as he found Loki's skill most of the time, he couldn't help but curse that same talent now. His son hadn't given him the chance to answer his objection. In fact, he hadn't yet heard most of what Odin needed to tell him, including a well-deserved apology.

Not wasting any time, Odin left his study and made for his throne. From Hliðskjálf he could see anything in all the nine realms but now he needed to find just one person and it only took a few moments before he did so. Loki only just learned teleportation, thus the distance he could travel was limited. He was still within the palace. Odin heaved himself off the throne and all but ran from the room. A few of the Einherjar seemed startled at his sudden haste, having seldom seen the All-Father abandon any semblance of decorum. As fast as he ran, it still felt as if it took an entirely too long to reach his destination, the weapons vault. It occurred to him as he approached the vault he would have to find out how Loki was able to teleport inside. The wards shouldn't have allowed it. That was a matter for another time, however. The Einherjar opened the doors for Odin as he drew close.

"Close the doors behind me and do not come inside without my express permission."

He didn't wait to hear an acknowledgement, instead entering the vault and finding Loki exactly where he saw him from the throne, standing behind the pedestal on which sat the Casket. Though he was facing Odin's direction, Loki didn't look up as Odin descended the stairs.

"Loki?"

Giving no sign he heard, Loki instead reached out to take hold of the Casket with both hands.

"Loki, stop! The Casket has great power. You know not what you could unleash."

The skin of Loki's hands paled, then turned blue. With a tone so sharp it sounded almost feral, he said, "What's wrong, All-Father? Afraid to see the creature that hides behind the face of your son?"

The question was so brutally asked it shocked Odin into silence as surely as if a blow had knocked the air from his lungs. His son scarcely sounded like the same child who only moments ago was asking why his father lied to him. Loki's eyes remained fixed on the Casket, shining with a manic gleam made brighter by the artifact's glow. Soon enough, the blue spread up to Loki's throat and face, raising lines along the surface as it went. Glistening green eyes changed to bright red and with that, the transformation was complete. Loki looked at his blue flesh, a tremulous laugh escaping his mouth as he did. He said nothing after it, and even seemed to be holding his breath.

When nothing else happened, Loki let out a ragged exhale as his expression turned confused. "What is it waiting for?"

"What?" Odin asked, finding his voice again.

"The Destroyer," Loki said, his wavering voice taking on a frantic edge. "There's a frost giant right here. What is it waiting for?"

The bottom fell out of Odin's stomach. He must have heard wrong. Loki couldn't mean what it sounded like he did because that would be a horror Odin could not begin to imagine. His feet carried him forward without his truly being aware of his own movement. "Loki, did you... were you trying to..."

"What are you waiting for?" Loki screamed over his shoulder at the barrier behind him.

The echoes of his own voice were the only answer he received. Odin's pace quickened as Loki began to sink down, his hands slipping limp from Casket. With a weak cry, he asked again, "What are you waiting for?"

Odin reached the pedestal just in time to catch Loki before he collapsed to the floor and he lowered them both to their knees. He pulled his son unresisting into his arms with Loki's side against his chest, feeling the coldness of his skin seeping through both of their clothes.

"What is it waiting for?" Loki asked yet again, his voice the sound of utter despair.

Odin held him closer, his one hand stroking the back of his son's head. "The Destroyer protects my family."

By then, his son had nearly transformed back into his usual skin, blue fading into white. Tears that had been threatening to fall from Loki's eyes for some time now flowed freely down his cheeks. Both of them were trembling, Loki with repressed emotion finally released and Odin from the horror of what had almost happened, or rather what Loki had wanted to happen when he entered the vault. Of all the possible ways for his son to react, Odin never imagined this. Frigga was right, Loki should have been told from the start. If Odin hadn't been so stubborn, he wouldn't be here now, so terrified of what might happen if he let go of him even for a moment.

"What's to become of me now?" Loki asked. "There is no use in keeping a frost giant runt in Asgard's palace and since they gave me up, I'm of no use to the Jötnar either."

His grip on Loki tightened at that. "Loki, I didn't take you for the sole purpose of using you as some sort of tool-"

"You said-"

"I said I thought about it. I also said I discarded those plans almost as soon as I made them," Odin told him. "They no longer matter. In fact, they never did. _You_ are what matters, not half-formed ideas that never came to pass."

"But I... I'm not your son," he insisted, the words sounding like they caused him physical pain to say.

"Oh, Loki," Odin said with a sigh. "Yes you are. You are in every way that matters. I brought you here, made you part of our family. Your mother and I raised you. Our blood may not flow through your veins but you are no less our son for that fact."

"How can you say that?" Loki asked weakly, sounding as if he was on the brink of surrender.

Odin almost smiled. "You know, for one so clever you can be remarkably dim at times. Do you remember Áleifr's children? I don't believe I ever told you but I saw you with them the night of the feast. It was plain how much you cared for them. If you could feel such affection for the children of another after knowing them a mere handful of days, why is it so hard to believe I could feel something more for you after so many years?"

He gently lifted Loki's chin so they were facing each other once again, keeping his son's face cradled in his hand so he couldn't look away.

"Loki, if I have to tell you every day until you believe it, I will. You are and always shall be my son. And I love you so much."

Loki stared into his eye, searching for any hint of falsity and revealing the uncertain hope in his own eyes to Odin by doing so. Whatever he saw was enough to make his last bit of resistance gave way. He curled against Odin, tucking his head under Odin's chin the way he often had as a small boy.

"I'm sorry, Papa."

Three words. Just three small words but they told Odin everything he needed to hear. A sense relief swept through Odin that was so intense, it would bring him to his knees were he not already there. A tear slipped from his eye as the emotion threatened to overwhelm him.

"It's all right, my boy," he murmured as Loki began crying in earnest. "You need not be sorry, not when the fault was mine. I failed you most profoundly, and I am more sorry than I could ever hope to express. You should never have had to pay the price for my overconfidence in my own wisdom. Please, _please_ allow me the chance to make things right again."

All Loki managed was a nod, a small gesture, but never, not even in his very long life, would Odin stop feeling grateful for it.

~~~|~~~

His brother was pacing outside his door. Loki had listened to his thudding footfalls for nearly half an hour. On his side of the door, Loki did nothing. He knew why Thor was there and he knew why his brother was hesitating. It was the same reason Loki hadn't moved from where he sat on his bed or called out to invite him in.

By now, Thor had been told. Loki knew it had to happen and it was something of a relief when their father offered to do it himself if Loki wished him to. Given the timing, that was where Thor no doubt had just come from and by the sound of it, he was just as nervous about having this conversation as Loki was.

What would Thor say? What would he say to Thor? What does anyone say when they find out all that they knew was based on lies?

A loud knock startled Loki from his thoughts.

His first impulse was to ignore it, delay the inevitable as long as he could. The palace was large and Loki was skilled at not being found when he wanted to be. He could avoid Thor for days, perhaps weeks if he put enough effort into it. That way, he could put off hearing his brother's rejection. That had to be why Thor was so reluctant to knock. He always hated being the bearer of uncomfortable news and-

The knocking came again.

Loki stared at the closed door, picturing Thor on the other side. He knew if he was about to lose his brother and best friend, delaying would make the loss no easier to bear. Might as well get it done with. He would however, get up off the bed and face him like a man. If nothing else, he could pretend at having the courage to do that rather than cowering on the bed like a child terrified of what monsters might be lurking beneath it.

Cringing at the thought of monsters, Loki closed his eyes and steeled himself, mentally repeating what his father said.

_You are no monster. You are and always shall be my son._

"Come in Thor."

The door swung open slower than Loki had ever seen when his brother was making an entrance. It was followed by a blond head poking around it. Loki locked eyes with his brother and for a moment neither one moved. He saw Thor's throat bob with an anxious swallow before he stepped fully into the room and closed the door behind him. For some reason, Loki found it difficult to keep looking him in the eye and speak at the same time. He was chastising himself for his own cowardice even as he looked away and asked,

"What brings you here?"

From the corner of his eye, he caught sight of Thor wringing his hands and felt his stomach start doing flips. Where was Thor's legendary bull-headedness now? Why was this the thing that made him hesitant?

"Father told me," Thor said, softer than any other time Loki heard him speak. "Everything."

Loki could only nod. His stomach was twisting in knots and his heart had leapt up into his throat. Why couldn't Thor just get it over with? The silence dragged on until Loki felt the need to break it.

"Thor-" was as far as he got.

Before he could even register the movement, Thor had crossed the room with a few quick strides and enveloped Loki in his powerful arms.

"Don't _ever_ do something like that again," Thor said, seeming to squeeze tighter with each word.

Not sure at all what was happening, Loki murmured, "Thor?"

Thor did not relax his grip at all. "By the gods, Loki. What put that idea in your head? Did you honestly think we care for you so little as to wish you dead over something so insignificant?"

"Thor, I can hardly breathe," Loki gasped against his brother's shoulder, finally making him loosen the embrace. Now able to draw a proper breath, he said, "It's not insignificant. Not to me."

Squeezing him by the shoulders, Thor looked straight into his eyes. "That Mother and Father lied to you was wrong. You have every right to be hurt over that. And I most certainly owe you an apology for things I've said about the Jötnar. But that you are one of them, that matters little. You have been ours far longer than you were ever theirs."

Loki stared back at him. "It really is that simple to you, isn't it?"

In typical Thor fashion, the answer was a buoyant, "Of course."

"It's not for me." Loki pulled Thor's hands off his shoulders. Turning his back, he walked a few paces away. It was a few moments before he realized he was staring at his own hands, hands which had only a short while earlier been the hands of a Jötun.

"Loki?" Thor called out, tentative and slight bit concerned. "What is it?"

"I don't know." The admission left Loki's lips of its own accord and with it, the floodgates opened. "I don't know who I am, I don't know what I am, I don't know what to feel, I don't know what parts of me are really me and what is my Jötun nature, I-"

"Loki, you're rambling." He felt Thor's hand on his shoulder again. "You have a swift mind but you mustn't let it run rampant with wild thoughts."

Loki shook him off and turned around. "Thor, you don't understand-"

"You're right. I don't."

The reply brought Loki up short and he could think of nothing to counter it as he stared slack-jawed at his brother.

"Oh, look." Thor grinned. "I surprised you for a change."

Loki laughed in spite of himself, slapping Thor's arm afterwards for having the audacity to draw it out of him in what was supposed to be serious conversation. He'd never admit it, but even a hint of the normalcy of their old relationship was wonderful.

Thor was still smiling as he continued. "I meant what I said. I don't understand how you feel, and by your own words, you don't understand either. Perhaps we can figure it out together."

From anyone else, an offer such as that would have sounded incredibly naive, if not outright silly. From Thor - earnest, sincere, incapable of guile _Thor_ \- it silenced any objection Loki could make. The suggestion was so heartfelt that Loki felt the sting of fresh tears gathering in his eyes on hearing it. Why indeed had he given up on his family and himself?

Of course things were not as simple as Thor made it sound, but looking at the boundless optimism on his brother's face, Loki almost believed they could be. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **TRIGGER WARNING** : Loki attempts a version of suicide by cop with the Destroyer in this chapter. It's not graphic or violent in any way because the Destroyer doesn't respond and nothing happens. If you want to avoid that part, skip down from where Loki teleports away from Odin to the next transition marker. (This thing: ~~~|~~~ )
> 
> Am I a terrible person for putting them through that?


	4. After night comes day

"It is a wise father that knows his own child."  
\- WIlliam Shakespeare

_Many years later_

Loki eyed Odin across the table with a piercing focus. Odin returned his stare with the same intensity. Neither one wanted to be the first to look away, but they both knew it had to be Loki. At least, that's what Odin believed until his son started to move. Without breaking his gaze, he reached his hand out and, pausing first for effect, moved his tafl piece one square over.

"I always thought your brother was the show-off," Odin chided him.

Not missing a beat, Loki replied, "Unlike Thor, I choose my moments so they come at the least expected time."

Their eyes remained locked a moment more before Odin felt the corners of his mouth wanting to pull up. He fought it as long as he could, not wanting to be the first to crack as he always was. He was unsuccessful, as usual, though the reward of seeing Loki's victorious grin made it an acceptable loss.

It was so long ago that Odin couldn't remember precisely when playing tafl together became their tradition. They didn't have as many opportunities to play now as they had when they both were younger but both father and son felt bereft when they went too long without a game. For Odin, it was his favourite way to spend time with Loki. His son took great pleasure making it hard for anyone to get a read on him with his implacable face. Here in Odin's study however, he let go his façade. In the privacy of this familiar room, Odin got to see a side of his son that few were privileged to, and for that reason alone, Odin made sure to always have the tafl board waiting.

Loki sat back in his chair to await his father's next move. He reached over to the stand next to his chair to retrieve his goblet of mead. Though Odin's focus was on the game board, he noticed Loki make a face when he sipped his drink. His son lowered the goblet from his lips and glared at it as though it had insulted him. After a second or so of concentrating, the hand holding the mead turned Jötun blue. A thin layer of frost crept out from his fingers to coat the goblet. The blue disappeared and when Loki next took a sip, he looked far more satisfied. This time when he set the drink back down on the table, he made sure it was on the side farthest from the warmth of the hearth.

The whole thing was done with such a casual manner that Odin almost missed how extraordinary it was. Even though Loki was at peace with the knowledge of his true heritage, such displays of his underlying nature were a rare sight. Loki would hate it if Odin drew attention to the act however, so he let the moment pass without mention and turned his gaze back to the board. He didn't realize how long he pondered over his next move until Loki's voice broke into his concentration.

"For mercy's sake, Father. Just tell me."

The interruption derailed Odin's thoughts, making him look up in surprise. "Tell you what?"

Loki gave him a knowing look but didn't answer until he'd picked up his mead and taken another sip. "You never take this long deciding your moves unless you've something far more important on your mind. You might as well say it or we'll be here all night."

"I didn't know I was so obvious," he replied, leaning back in his chair, mirroring Loki's casual posture.

"It wouldn't be to everyone," his son said with just the hint of a smirk. It was so like Loki to not only pick up on the subtlest cues, but also to remind Odin that he never missed them. 

"The Odinsleep approaches and I can only put it off so long."

All traces of mirth vanished from Loki's face. Leaning forward again, he asked, "Are you well, Father?"

"I am, worry not," Odin reassured him. He paused to take a breath before continuing. "As you know, I must appoint someone to rule in my stead."

Loki sat back in his chair with a posture so casual looking it had to be an affectation. "Ah, it's true then."

Raising an eyebrow, Odin asked, "What is?"

"Thor is to be king," Loki said with deliberate insouciance, gaze focused on the drink in his hand.

"What makes you think that?"

"Thor seems certain of it."

"Then Thor has yet to learn not to jump to conclusions."

Loki's eyes came up in an instant, failing completely to conceal his surprise. "He won't be king?"

"No. Regent, yes. Not king." Odin watched his son's reaction carefully, weighing his words before continuing so that there would be no room for misconceptions in Loki's mind. "This is my first sleep since both you and your brother came of age. It is expected now that one of you should take up the mantle while I am unable to rule and I must ensure a clear line of succession."

"And Thor is firstborn," Loki said, nodding in understanding.

Gladdened to hear his son hadn't leapt to the wrong conclusion, Odin went on. "Yes, but that is not the only reason. Your brother has many fine qualities, ones which will make him an excellent ruler. Someday. At the present time, however, I feel he is still far too enamoured with the idea of kingship. He must become acquainted with the reality as well. You learned that lesson long ago in the council meetings but I was remiss in Thor's training. That error has gone too long without being addressed."

Loki hummed in response. His eyes were on the tafl board but he wasn't truly looking at it. If Odin could be sure of anything when it came to his son, it was that his mind was always racing. He didn't pretend to know what went on inside Loki's head but over time, he had become familiar with some of his less helpful thought patterns. Patterns that might cause him to wonder if he was being passed over in favour of Thor for another reason besides their birth order.

"Loki," Odin said, waiting to be sure he had Loki's full attention before speaking further. "You too would make an excellent king. That is, if you actually wanted the position, but we both know you don't."

For a moment, it appeared that Loki's naturally contrarian nature was about to assert itself. His mouth opened, a protest no doubt ready on his tongue, before he caught himself. He looked at Odin for a moment before glancing away with a smile. There wasn't much point in arguing what they both knew to be true.

"You've always preferred to work from the shadows," Odin added. "You love to keep people in the dark as to what you know or don't know, what you did or didn't do. The throne is far too restrictive for your tastes, isn't it?"

Still smirking a bit, Loki answered, "I suppose it is."

"Nevertheless, you should know that I would be every bit as proud to see you as king as I would Thor. There is no question in my mind you would make a success of it."

"Such flattery," he replied, suddenly fascinated by his own fingernails. "I feel as though I should be expecting some unusual demand next."

There was another pattern Odin had noted. Even in private, Loki was still one to hide his feelings. Perhaps it was some lingering insecurity from his youth or perhaps it was simply a part of his nature on a base level. Whatever the cause, Odin had learned to interpret the subtle signs Loki did show. He knew, for instance, that when his son minimized or even dismissed outright the praise he received, it was so that no one would know how much such things meant to him.

"I do not flatter, Loki," Odin said, not willing to let his son so easily brush his words aside. "Flattery is empty and meaningless. My words to you are never that. When I tell you I have faith in your ability, I mean it."

"... I know," Loki answered with visible reluctance.

The reply, though brief, gave Odin confidence that Loki was sincere in his acknowledgement. If it was a lie, it would have rolled off Loki's tongue with ease and confidence. Telling the truth, particularly in such personal matters, was done with far more difficulty. Had Loki lied about believing Odin, his answer would have been effortless. It wouldn't sound like something he was afraid to admit.

"Good, because I do have something to ask of you. Two things, in fact," Odin told him. Loki looked up with a raised eyebrow. "No mischief while your brother is on the throne. No, this you must promise me," he added when Loki was about to object. "I know how much you and Thor enjoy irritating each other and I know that you most definitely have the upper hand when it comes to raising Thor's ire. I mean for this to measure his capability to rule and it will not be an accurate measuring if he spends the time caught up in whatever you've done to make his blood boil. You needn't give it up for all time, only until I wake."

Loki sighed with a slight shake of his head. He did so with a smile however, showing his disappointment was minimal. "If I must. What is the second?"

Odin smothered a smile of his own, anticipating his son would have a much easier time abiding by this request. "Do not help him either."

"What?" he asked with a bemused laugh. "Why? You've told me many times a king cannot rule without the counsel of others."

"And you took my words to heart. Thor hasn't, not completely. More words will not make a difference to him now, not after all I've tried to tell him. He will only learn to value the input of others if he experiences the lack of it firsthand."

"And if there is a problem?"

"Your mother knows what to do, and the council is aware of the situation. They will step in before anything gets out of hand."

Loki sat back and raked one hand through his hair. "You do enjoy challenging me, don't you?"

Letting his smile show this time, Odin said, "I've never given you a challenge I was not confident you could meet."

Though Loki said nothing in response, a touch of pink coloured his cheeks and for Odin, it was thanks enough to see his son was touched by his the praise. He didn't need him to give voice to the feeling.

"Now that is settled, we can return to far more important matters," Odin declared. He cast his eye over the tafl board and made the move he had been deliberating when Loki called him out over his distraction.

Loki grinned. "Oh yes, let's."

Now that Odin's attention was no longer divided between the game and his worry over Loki's reaction to news of Thor's regency, he was free to notice something odd about his son's play. Loki was a keen strategist, one who easily saw several moves ahead at any given time but even for one as clever as him, the game was progressing unusually fast. It was almost as if he was eager to get it over and done with.

"I suppose it's my turn then."

Loki looked up, his hand hovering frozen over one of his own game pieces. "No it's not. Your turn just passed."

"That wasn't my meaning," Odin replied. "You and I are opposites, my son. When I have something weighing on my mind, I take longer to decide my moves. When you do, you make them even faster so you may return to whatever it is that's vying for your attention. Thus it is my turn to ask you, what is it?"

An almost childishly guilty expression stole over Loki's face, not unlike the ones he wore when he was caught sneaking treats from the kitchens or doing some other bit of mischief with his brother. It was gone in the next second, replaced by an expression of such solemnity it was jarring when compared with what came before.

"I've been studying the Tesseract since Thor and I recovered it from Midgard."

"Loki," Odin gasped, clamping his hands on the armrests of his chair to keep them from giving his grown son a box on the ears.

"With every precaution," Loki hastened to add.

"I fear you don't appreciate the danger you are flirting with," Odin told him only when he was confident he could speak without shouting. He knew the true power of the artifact, what it could be used for. And he knew how easily it could corrupt the mind of one who tried. "At least tell me you haven't been studying it directly in the vault."

Loki regarded him intensely for a moment before his eyebrows drew together and his eyes narrowed. Leaning forward in his chair, he asked, "Father, exactly how foolish do you think I am?"

A relieved breath huffed out though Odin's lips and his fingers loosened their grip on the chair. "Don't frighten me that way. A shock like that could have sent me into the sleep early."

"I'm sorry," Loki apologized, though it was not entirely sincere. "No, I wasn't studying it directly. I have no intention of letting it misbehave because of my meddling."

"How then?"

"The readings taken by the mortals, for the most part."

"They were willing to share their information with you?"

Loki's expression turned thoughtful. With utter innocence, he said, "You know, I may have forgotten to tell them they were giving it to me."

Perhaps Odin should have scolded him for that. After all, it hardly contributed to diplomatic relations if one party flagrantly disrespected the other by stealing from them. In this case, with something as potentially dangerous as the Tesseract, Odin was willing to let that bit of underhandedness go, knowing as he did that the mortals had no true appreciation of what they were dealing with.

"What have you learned?"

Loki's mouth opened and closed twice before he gave a response, his artful tongue strangely leaden. "I think I'd rather be sure before I say anything."

His caution surprised Odin. This wasn't Loki hiding what he knew for the fun of keeping others guessing. If anything, his son seemed unsettled by whatever he'd uncovered.

"Unsure as you are, I'd sooner you tell me what you suspect now than go into the sleep wondering what has left my son so uneasy."

After some silent pondering on his part, Loki relented. "Between the information from Midgard and what our own mages learned about it before it was hidden away, I believe I've confirmed that the Tesseract cannot be destroyed. As an infinity stone, it is simply too powerful."

"I see. What else?" Odin asked, still not seeing the reason that information would so trouble Loki.

"What did grandfather tell you about the end of his war with the dark elves?" Loki said by way of response.

The sudden shift in topic threw Odin for a moment. "He... he intercepted and destroyed the Aether before Malekith could use it. With the battle lost to him, Malekith sacrificed his own people in a desperate attempt to wipe out Asgard's army along with his own. He failed and was defeated."

Nodding, Loki said, "Yes, that's what the history books say."

Odin waited for more explanation but when it appeared none was forthcoming, he asked, "What does this have to do with the Tesseract?"

"The Tesseract is an infinity stone, as is the Aether. If the Tesseract cannot be destroyed..."

"Then it's possible the Aether wasn't," he filled in.

"More than possible," Loki affirmed. "And I'm not sure it's the only thing Bor was less than truthful about. I think Malekith survived."

Odin bristled. "Are you saying my father lied about his victory?"

"I'm saying, I think he told the people of Asgard what they needed to hear after a bloody and brutal war. The Aesir had faced an enemy so without honour that he slaughtered his own soldiers and they barely eked out a victory. If people knew that not only did their chief enemy survive, but so did his ultimate weapon, there would be no peace found anywhere in this realm. The people would be constantly living in fear of the dark elves' return. Bor couldn't allow that, nor could he admit to the continued existence of the Aether. There are more than enough fools in the universe who would gladly risk death to wield it. By putting word out that it was destroyed, he ensured no one would look for it."

The more Loki spoke, the more certain Odin became that his father had done exactly what Loki described. It wasn't as if it was a stretch to imagine, not when he'd done something similar by hiding the Tesseract on Midgard so many years ago.

"If the Aether has survived til now, that is indeed troubling news," he conceded.

"Indeed. We are but a year out from the next convergence of the realms. If Malekith or any of his people are living, they may seek to finish what he began."

"I will tell Heimdall to be on alert for any signs of them."

"It won't be enough," Loki insisted. It was impossible to miss the serious urgency behind his eyes. "Father, if I discovered the truth, then so could another. There is no telling what manner of person might seek the Aether's power."

"What more would you have us do?"

"We must find it ourselves and either strengthen whatever is protecting it now, or send it off to the farthest reaches of the universe, somewhere it will never be found even by those who look for it."

Loki's answers came with such swiftness, Odin couldn't help but be a little suspicious. "You sound as though you've already made those plans."

Another slightly guilty expression flitted across Loki's features. "I made inquiries. I believe I've found someone who could help. He's... odd, but he will keep the Aether out of the wrong hands."

Odin was silent in thought for a moment before speaking. A long time had passed since Loki was told of his heritage. For a short while after, it seemed as though he felt as if he needed to earn his place in Asgard despite the assurances of his parents that he did not. It didn't last long, as he'd gotten himself into a bit of trouble that frightened him as much as his parents and fortunately convinced him such attempts to prove himself were unnecessary. Still, every so often he'd do something that made Odin wonder if remnants that need still lingered somewhere inside his son.

"Loki, I appreciate very much the initiative you've taken, not just in this but in all you do for Asgard. I must ask you though, you know you don't have to deal with such things all on your own, don't you? No one expects you to protect the whole of Asgard with just your two hands."

His son rolled his eyes, which gave Odin an odd sense of relief. "If you're referring to that business with the Tesseract, that was simply a matter of unfortunate timing."

"That's not what I had in mind. You can be every bit as reckless than Thor at times, the only difference being you are only reckless with yourself."

Loki met his gaze, his expression sobering again. "I had every intention of telling you once I was sure of what I found out. I wouldn't go after an infinity stone on my own. Not by choice."

"I'm glad to hear it," Odin replied, grateful once again that he could tell his son was sincere. He turned his attention back to the tafl board. "When did you say the convergence is due?"

"In one year's time."

"Well then," he said, moving one of his pieces. "Since we have a bit of time and as you are a mere two moves away from victory, what say you to another game?"

He could hear the smirk on Loki's face come through in his voice when he answered, "I would say that you are only begging for another defeat, for I will show no mercy. Not even to an old man such as you."

"Careful, Loki. Do not mistake my age for dullness. I daresay I know a great many tricks that you do not."

"And do you plan on employing any of them this time?" Loki asked dryly.

"I would be a poor player indeed if I gave away my strategy before we even begin," Odin told him, not bothering to hold back a smile. Looking up, he saw both Loki's eyes alight with a playful glint.

"Very well then. Your move."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Of course, it wouldn't be a fix-it if I didn't take care of Frigga too, would it?)
> 
> You may have noticed this is now listed as part of a series. I don't have a direct sequel to this in mind but as I was writing, I had a few story ideas that wouldn't fit into this fic but that could be told as part of this 'verse. So there will be a few side stories coming, starting I think with the aforementioned "business with the Tesseract", aka "Silly humans, infinity stones aren't for you". 
> 
> As always, comments are welcome. You guys have no idea how much they inspire me to keep writing. You can also come say Hi to me on tumblr at [ theclassicblunders](http://theclassicblunders.tumblr.com). 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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